ADHD version: [link]


100% percent serious. It's bs, I had As, Bs, and I think a C in some of my classes but now I've got straight Fs. For missing two damned days of school. I don't even have the same classes everyday(except for Art)! Two damned days was all it took to ruin my grades, probably my Christmas, if I can't pressure some of my teachers into making sure everything I made up gets fixed on that Edline bs. Life must really hate me, it finds ways to screw me over fast. I was sorta alright with missing an important trip, but getting back to find seven Fs(Like below 45 Fs too) is messed up. Granted, I had at least two horrid grades before those two days, but still.

It's stuff like that make me wonder where my old attitude towards life went. =/ I used to be calm, patient, talkative, and eager to learn. Now I couldn't give a shit, rather stay home, sleep, eat, game, and hang out on the computer. That and a blow a fuse fast when I'm angry, my head feels like it's going to explode often, and grades are nothing to me. I can't help but wonder what created the lazy streak I've got now. I've asked myself this, millions of times, but no exact answer. Always multiple answers, nothing straightforward. I just know one thing for sure, I want those years back. Too many things I could have done differently, for better or for worst. Oh well, life goes on and you must make something of it.

And I've noticed how Existential my life has become. For those unaware of or have never heard of Existentialism, allow me to explain. You see, existentialism is a philosophy about how some folks ought to live life. How it can take a single person large amounts of energy to seem normal, to live within the Absurd, the Absurd being what we call day to day life. Living for friends, living for some reason other than the sensory pleasures. Existential people live for the sensory pleasures along with accepting the fact that life is meaningless, there is no afterlife and there is no God. I myself haven't accepted the fact that life is meaningless, there is no afterlife and there is no God. If anything, I'm 1/4 existential. I believe in God, the afterlife I guess is questionable, and what gives life meaning is what you do with it.

While I could go on, I think I'll just let this journal be for now, as I am growing tired and must complete some large amount of homework. If you read all that, thanks I suppose. If not, I don't blame you. I'll probably update this later on.